Functional Freeze: When trauma gets in the way of relating

Hypoarousal Symptoms: Is this familiar?

I find myself writing from a space of nervous system shut down. Western medicine call it hypoarousal; nervous system theorists call it ‘a state of freeze’.

I’ve been frozen since 9am today and it manifested through: falling back asleep, feeling nauseous, not being able to see objects that are right there in front of my face, being dizzy and walking around like a drunken fly, feeling heavy in my bones.

I am de-prioritising everything that I need to do because things feel like a tenfold effort (including pretty basic needs things like eating or cleaning myself). My brain is very quiet apart from an occasional sigh or a strong glimpse of anxiety before becoming quiet again; emotions - flat. Sound familiar?

I want to be really transparent in what brought me to this work of somatics and coaching, and in doing that, pointing a finger to what lies above.

I used to stay in this state of freeze for weeks. Dragging my body and spirit around like a weight and yet somehow needing to function. I was so used to it that, when I finally started to come out of it, with the support of my somatic practitioner at that time, I started to be scared of it onsetting again - because I knew it was so deeply affecting the ways I was able to interact with the world.

The Loop: Stuck in hypoarousal

So how am I writing from this space? Well, I am not really. If I was still frozen I would continued to be in bed looking at the ceiling. And let me layer on something else: the thought of being in bed, collapsing again and looking at the ceiling feels so inviting right now. Maybe even a tinge of soothing pleasure.

This gives me an indication that I am only just past the edge of freeze. I know that in truth, once I go to bed and lie down, I won’t find that pleasure there. What I will likely find is the sense of heaviness, which has been gently lifting as I am writing this, returning.

That layer of familiarity in a state such as freeze in politicised somatics is called a conditioned tendency and I will talk about it another time. For this purpose it just feels important to illustrate that being in this state, or in any state that we’ve spent countless times in - can feel safe; even though it is not serving what we truly care about.

The center of care: How to get out of hypoarousal

What do I truly care about personally? I care about building relationships which feel reciprocal, patient, communicative, expansive and honest; about living in a house where I have a sense of belonging and I feel safe; about living in a world where I have access to support, nourishment, pleasure and some level of comfort.

“In a state of freeze I will go days without answering my messages, opportunities to show up in my relationships passing me by.

Likewise, in my house I become distant, isolated and I stop caring about what and who is around me. My connection with the world, outside the 4 walls of my room, stops.

In a social justice sense I dream about a world where we show up to navigate conflict and harm, knowing both are inevitable. I care about having enough internal security and self-accountability to sit with and move through that conflict.

I care about a world where we intentionally inhabit and direct our power toward generative, supportive ends - rather than cause harm - so we can build a future grounded in collective care.

Power is dynamic, inevitable and always shifting. I believe that most of us make ourselves ‘small’ and shrink in order to fit in, to belong and to survive. And many of us make ourselves ‘big’ to avoid facing the fear or harm of the systems we are enabling.

Systems of whiteness, ableism, neurotypicality, cis-heteronormativity and class heavily shape these power dynamics. For example, when we perform victimhood within the protective frameworks of whiteness or cis-heteronormativity, we inadvertently position those who cannot inhabit those privileged shapes as the ‘perpetrator’.

“When I freeze on a day to day, I shrink and I become a victim of my body’s reactions. I give into the shame projected by the voices in my head and give up my power to shift and change the situation in and around me.

This is where personal and social justice meet in my life. My work as a practitioner is about empowering people to uncover the exact layers where they compromise their safety, dignity, or core values just to maintain a sense of belonging within harmful systems.

Can I embody any of that when I am frozen? No.

That’s the simplicity of the cognitive piece.

But cognitive realization alone isn't enough. It must be tightly entangled with an embodied, felt sense of care.

So much so that when I realize freeze is out of alignment with how I desire to move through life, I can gently invite the micro-shifts that bring agency back into existence.

Are you curious to try those micro-shift?

I am offering a free Micro-shifts from freeze practice sheet. Complete the form below by writing in the subject ‘Freeze’ and send a short message sharing how you currently move through freeze.

Learnings and references:

Brandon Sturdivant, Erika Lyla, Staci Haines - The Politics of Trauma 2.0 Course: Embodied Transformation in Times of Polarization, Grief and Overwhelm